


Confused

by ritalara



Series: Why Not Me [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy Era, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 23:45:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16397357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritalara/pseuds/ritalara
Summary: Fitz's announcement that he's going on his first date spurs some new & confusing feelings for Simmons.





	Confused

**Author's Note:**

> A little academy era fluff to soften your day.

**SHIELD Science & Technology Academy - 2004**

 

“Simmons...did you hear me?”

She didn't respond but stared at Fitz with a perplexed look on her face.

He gazed back at her nervously.

“...Sally...Sally Webber?”

“Yeah, from, erm - our Neurobiology class...?”

“I know who she is Fitz.”

Her eyes were slits as she continued drilling a hole through him with her gaze.

“Yeah, okay, so, um, yeah, we’re uh, we’re gonna go out I guess - on Saturday. Is that...I mean, I know you and I usually watch a movie or go to - well, I mean, we don’t - we don’t have to - it’s just that...you don’t...you don’t mind, right?”

She didn’t answer right away.

He and Sally were planning to go on a date - Fitz’s first date.

“Simmons...would you...is that - are you okay?”

“I’m fine. That’s just fine Fitz, why wouldn’t it be?”

He looked down at the remnants of his cafeteria meal on his plate.

“No reason.”

While Jemma was maybe a bit...tightly wound...she wasn’t typically quite so tense in her posture and demeanor, and Fitz felt like he had to explain further.

“It's not a big deal, just - well, you know, I’ve never really gone out with anyone, and, well, I know we’re going to graduate Sci-Tech early and I heard they’re looking for scientists to join the research team at The Hub - Richards even said he heard that one of those groups does testing on objects of unknown origin that get brought in by the field teams...so I thought we -”

Jemma’s expression had softened a bit, but she was still looking at him like she was trying to do advanced calculus in her head.

“ - well, we’ll probably end up there next year and we’ll be 18 before you know it, youngest at Sci-Ops, and, well, I figured I should sort of get some...experience I guess...”

Suddenly her face changed again.

“Experience with what?”

His ears reddened.

“D-d-dating, you know, girls - sorry, women - well, I just,” he sighed, “Simmons please don't make me keep talking about this.”

“Sally is quite a bit older than you.”

“Not really - she’s one of the younger students.”

Though FitzSimmons were by far the youngest pupils ever to attend SHIELD Academy, there were also a few other wunderkinds a bit closer in age to them than the average cadet.

Jemma looked down and began fidgeting with the wrapper on her bottle of water. She took a breath, squared her shoulders, and looked back up at him.

“So what are planning to do on this date then?”

___

A couple hours later she was sat in an Organic Chemistry lecture - the one class she didn’t have with Fitz - and she was still thinking about his date.

It seemed odd to her for some reason that he would choose Sally to go out with. Despite Fitz’s rebuttal, she still thought she was a bit too old for him and her mind was wandering thinking of what they might get up to.

It was clear Fitz didn't have a plan beyond taking her to The Boiler Room, and Jemma was conflicted. A part of her wanted to give him advice; tell him what to wear, give him some better ideas for where they should go. Another part - and she wasn’t sure which was bigger - didn’t want him to go at all.

Fridays were for going to The Boiler Room with their friends and Saturdays they typically spent just the two of them - eating take-away, catching up on work, maybe going to a random movie at the $4 cinema.

Jemma wasn’t even sure what kind of scene The Boiler Room was on a Saturday night and worried that Fitz would not be accustomed to that crowd. He was prone to drink too much when he was nervous, trying to keep his hands busy - and she’d had to guide him home on a couple raucous evenings.

Sally Webber didn’t even know what Fitz’s favorite beer was.

Finally she chided herself. Fitz had every right to start dating. She had done the same and if they were normal teenagers they’d be studying for their A levels now - going out to parties and snogging classmates in corners and otherwise experimenting with other activities.

Her stomach dropped at the notion of Sally & Fitz in one of their cramped dorm rooms fooling around. Jemma had known Fitz for over a year now and they had spent the majority of it side-by-side. She knew some topics made him uncomfortable - and one of them was sex.

Sally was probably - definitely - more experienced than him (and Jemma). What if things got too serious too fast? Fitz tried to shrug it off but Jemma knew many of their classmates teased him about “losing his v-card” as they so gratuitously phrased it.

She looked down at the notes that she hadn’t been writing and realized how distracted she had gotten. The class was nearly over and, like clockwork, Fitz would be waiting outside the lecture hall for her by the time she made her way out.

She smiled thinking about how he always beat her to the hall because their Friday afternoon classes were so close together, but he always sat in the back and she in the front.

Her grin stayed as she realized how often he compromised in their other classes - sitting towards the front in every course by Professor Vaughn’s.

 _“Simmons, we have to be able to make a break for it if either of us is on the verge of keeling over from boredom”_ he’d told her.

Professor Weaver summed up the points of her talk and Jemma scrambled to take some final notes, hoping she hadn’t missed too much, then hurried out to meet Fitz.

What she saw next stopped her dead in her tracks.

Fitz was still down the hall, right outside his own Advanced Aeronautics class, and was in a seemingly rambunctious conversation with... Sally Webber.

Jemma felt a clench in her chest at the sight and a sudden urge to run in one direction or the other struck her. A part of her wanted to bolt back to her room and slam the door behind her. Another part - she didn’t know which was bigger - wanted to sprint down the hall at the two of them and...

...and what?

She knew enough about biology to know that she was experiencing a surge of adrenaline and a certain section of her frontal lobe was acutely activated.

She was jealous.

Blood ran hot through her legs and before she had a chance to do or say anything, Fitz spotted her down the hall and waved.

Unless she was mistaken she saw Sally’s gaze shift, and Jemma’s mind began to calculate. She took a deep breath in through her nose and walked toward them with a feigning air of ease, smiling quite specifically at Sally.

“Simmons”

“Webber”

“Fitz and I were just talking about Saturday - did he tell you we’re going out?”

Jemma painted a serene & interested smiled on her face.

“Oh yes, he mentioned you two were hanging out at The Boiler Room.”

“Yeah, it should be a lot fun.”

Sally looked over at Fitz and Jemma swore she fluttered her eyes at him.

“Well by all means, don’t let us keep you - Fitz and I have to get to the lab to work on our chemical kinetics project.”

“Of course - you two are such great lab partners!”

Jemma Simmons’ IQ was certified genius level and she knew precisely what the other girl was doing.

“Certainly - you know me and Fitz, always dealing with lots of chemistry.”

She batted her own eyelashes as she pointed her gaze at the older woman and Sally smiled before turning to Fitz.

“I’m really looking forward to Saturday,” she said, leaning towards him, and placing a hand on his arm.

She started to turn away and then faced Jemma again,

“Simmons - you’re welcome of course if you’d like to double...or...are you still single?”

Colors popped in Jemma’s peripheral vision as blood pooled in her limbs.

“As a matter of fact, I have plans with Tad on Saturday - perhaps we’ll see you there.”

___

 

“Simmons, are you okay?”

The two of them were stood next to each other at their lab station reviewing the findings of their thermodynamic reaction tests.

“Yes Fitz.”

It was the second time he’d asked her that since they’d left the lecture hall and Fitz didn’t believe her answer. Jemma was tense again - the same way she had been at lunch - and her conversation with Sally had been...strange.

He tried a different tactic.

“I didn’t know you were going out with Tad again...why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“Oh, well, he - we didn’t have plans until...he texted me earlier, after lunch. We had talked about doing something but it wasn't finalized until...um, earlier.

She was terrible liar and if anyone could see through it, it was Fitz. To make matters worse she now had to talk Tad in to going out with her Saturday. Jemma had been out with Tad a couple times and while he was far from the love of her life, he was nice, and well-formed, and made her laugh occasionally. It wouldn't be a hardship if he didn’t already have plans, and she supposed if he did she could make up a fair enough excuse. Maybe she could even say she was sick - very ill - she could really put on a show if she needed too, and, then, maybe, Fitz would take pity on her and come to her room and bring her chicken soup and-

“Well good, we can make it a double date then. I’d like that - honestly, I’m a bit nervous.”

Jemma looked up from her laptop and her entire perspective shifted.

Fitz, her best friend in the world, who she cared about more than anyone she wasn’t related to, was about to go on his first date, and she was going to ruin it.

“I lied.”

The look on his face was too much. She couldn’t stand there and try to craft some sort of plot to...to what...steal him away from Sally?

“What?”

“I...I lied...I don’t have plans with Tad. He didn’t text. We haven't really talked in a couple weeks.”

“What? Why?”

She could barely wrap her head around her feelings let alone explain them, so she tried the truth.

“I was jealous.”

He repeated the same inquiry.

“I was - I was jealous that you and Sally were going on a date and I didn’t...I didn't want to...I didn’t want to look stupid.”

Fitz was confused. Jemma was one of the most beautiful young women at the academy and, although most of their classmates were much too old for her - she had gone out with a couple guys that were a bit younger like Tad, a professor’s son.

“...you’ve been on dates though...you...you could - you could go on a date with someone any time you want.”

His response made her laugh abruptly.

“That’s not -”

Fitz interrupted her.

“If you want to - if you want to be...if there’s someone - Tad or someone, that...I understand if you want to date more. Maybe it's - I know there’s not a ton of options, so maybe -”

Fitz cringed as Milton’s name came to mind and he couldn't even say it. He was another one of the younger students, but he had a cabbage head and Fitz couldn't in good conscious put Jemma in his cross-hairs.

“Fitz that’s not what I meant.”

“No, I know it's - it's not like your desperate. I mean, I get it - why do you think I... well, Sally, it's not like she - it's not like I’m head over heels for her but I’ll be 18 before I know it and I’ve barely ever kissed a girl, so I thought I - well, she asked, and I...the point is, I get it. I get that you want to be...experiencing things, and, and - people, and -”

“That’s why you’re going out with her?”

Jemma had taken a step forward and her tone shifted.

“What do you mean?”

“Just to...to get it over with?”

“No! Well...maybe...”

“...are you - Fitz are you going to have sex with her?”

“WHAT? No! I - that’s not - no.”

He rushed towards her.

“Can you lower your voice?” he hissed.

She looked at him with steel and then huffed, taking off her lab coat.

“We should go.”

“What?”

“We should go,” she repeated, closing up their work and filing it away quickly.

“We should?”

“Yes. This...we shouldn’t - we shouldn’t be talking about this in the lab.”

She was tense again - her shoulders rounded and warmth in her cheeks.

“Simmons, why are you -”

“Fitz. We should go.”

She handed him his overcoat & backpack and he shrugged out of his lab coat, throwing it on his stool as she began briskly towards the door. Fitz followed her quick steps out of the laboratory building and tried to keep up as they headed out on to the quad.

“Simmons, can you slow down, why are you-”

She stopped abruptly and whipped toward him.

“Why Sally?”

“What?”

“Why Sally? If this is just about getting a date under your belt, why her?”

“She...she asked, and - what does it matter to you?”

Their raised voices echoed through the fading light of the winter evening.

“If you don’t even like her why would you say yes?”

“Because...well, because, she, she asked. It's not...it's not like...bloody hell - it’s not like I have girls knocking down my door! I - it's like I said, I’m a 17 year old guy and I want to - I want to know what it's like to -”

“ - then why not me?!”

The words were out of her mouth before she knew what she was saying.

Fitz was stunned and utterly, utterly confused.

“...what? Why not...what? Why, why not you...what?”

Her breathing became heavy as she realized the weight of her question, even if he didn’t yet. A part of her wanted to burst into tears and run back to her room. The other part - and she didn’t know which was bigger - wanted to kiss him. The Northeastern January air paid them no favors, and Jemma realized she had left her coat in the lab. She shivered as she spoke.

“Simmons, you’re freezing.”

Fitz gave her the coat that was still over his arm after their quick exit from the lab, and she busied herself, putting it on.

The warmth and smell of him settled on to her and she knew which part of herself she wanted to listen to. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in before she spoke again with trembling measure.

“Fitz. If you are so bound and determined to go on a date with someone...why...why wouldn’t you ask me?”

He was still lost.

“What do you mean - ask you what? Ask you out...on a date? Why would I -”

Suddenly the look on her face struck him and he took in a sharp breath. His eyes were wide and they both swallowed the nerves thumping through their chests.

“Jemma...”

Her face was almost pained as she watched his reaction.

“Jemma, what do you....are you...I don’t, um, I...I don’t know what to say.”

Her chest tightened and she felt the urge to run again, pain filling up her rib cage and traveling up her throat. She shook her head and took a shuddering breath.

“You don’t - you don’t have to...say anything, it's - I don’t, I don’t know why I...I have to go.”

She was gone in a streak before he could stop her.

___

Fitz’s walk back to his dorm was long and cold, but he barely noticed. He sat on his bed, leaned over with his cell phone in hand, looking at his message log. The last one, an outgoing text, was to Sally.

_“I can’t go out tomorrow. Sorry.”_

He had no doubt there was at least ten ways he could have handled it better, but it had been an almost out of body experience as he had written it. He had picked up his phone to text Jemma and see that she was okay, and Sally’s most recent message was the top of the SMS queue.

_“8 tomorrow? : )”_

With little thought he had written her back. On Monday he would have to find a way to apologize in person. She was nice and pretty, and she smiled at him a lot and...

She wasn't Jemma.

His stomach ached thinking about the way that she had looked at him standing outside the labs.

She wanted him to ask her out.

Simmons.

Jemma.

Jemma Simmons, his best friend in the world, wanted to go on a date with him.

And he had just stood there like an idiot.

He couldn’t say the thought had never occurred to him. Of course it had.

When they had first met. The first time they had walked back to their rooms together after class. The first time she laughed at one of his jokes. The first time his mum asked him if there was anyone special.

But that had been before - before they had become lab partners, and study buddies, and confidants. Before Jemma had seen him in his pajamas and he had seen her without any makeup on, and they had spent nights cramming for finals and debating space-time theories.

Things had changed since then. They had become friends - best friends. They spent most of their waking hours together and he couldn’t imagine his days without her, and...

A knock at his door rapped away his thoughts.

He panicked for a second, wondering if it was Sally there to tell him off, and he opened the door with the appropriate amount of guilt on his face.

“Jemma.”

He exhaled all the air he'd been holding in.

“I didn’t want you to have to go without your coat in the morning.”

She offered up the winter jacket, and he reached out, one hand still on the door.

“Thanks,” he said, wincing at the inadequacy of his response.

“You’re welcome...I...I’m sorry - I...sorry I ran off...with your coat.”

“No matter,” he said, their eyes locked.

Her face was hinted with anguish and she held herself steady as she nodded.

“Goodnight Fitz.”

He was lost for words again as she began to walk away and he stepped out of the doorway, a thumping in his chest guiding him toward her.

“Wait!” he tensed.

She was a flash of hair as she turned around and he he reached for her hand.

“Don’t go.”

She looked down at his fingers around her wrist, pressing against her palm, and then back up to his eyes.

His eyes.

They were an as yet unnamed shade of blue that took her breath away.

“Come inside?” he asked quietly.

She followed with a nod and he held on to her hand as he tossed his jacket to the side when they entered his dorm. As she shut the door behind them, the silence compressed the space, and they stood there, his hand still gently clasping hers. She looked down at it again and so did Fitz. Neither of them sure what came next.

“Did you...do you - do you want to take of your clothes?”

Her head jerked up and his face went red as he stammered, dropping her hand.

“Oh god - your coat. I mean your coat - your coat! - and your scarf... your - not your. Your coat. I meant your coat.”

Jemma’s hand flew to her mouth as she began to giggle and it cut through the tension in the room like a buzzsaw.

Fitz breathed a sigh of relief as nerves tangled in his belly and Jemma took off her hat, scarf, and overcoat, setting them more methodically on the chair at his desk.

With that done, some of the apprehension returned as she began to ring her hands and they both spoke at the same time.

“Fitz I -”

“Jemma, I want to-”

“Go ahead.”

“You go first.”

“No...I - I said...I asked you...I said something kind of...surprising... earlier, and I didn't give you time to respond. Please - go ahead.”

Fitz opened his mouth to say the words that had been rattling around in his head since he’d gotten back to his room and she interrupted.

“Just - first...I, I need you to know that I didn’t...I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I didn’t plan to -”

“No, Jemma, stop - please, let me get this out.”

She took a breath, preparing for the rejection of her newly discovered feelings.

“Okay. Please. Go ahead Fitz.”

“Simmons - Jemma...will you go on a date with me?”

She laughed out a shaky breath as she smiled - teary eyes crinkling. She nodded fervently as she chuckled nervously - a mixture of joy and relief.

“Fitz, I’d love to go out with you.”

He had planned a much longer speech and was nearly out of breath with nerves as he smiled shyly. She beamed and they looked at each other with growing grins for a few moments.

As he opened his mouth to continue the conversation, she gasped again.

“Oh no, Sally!”

“I already told her I can’t go out with her.”

“You did?”

He nodded, still a bit shamed, but with no regret.

Jemma smiled despite her own guilt.

“I’m sorry to put you in that position.”

He took a step forward, butterflies in his stomach as he reached for her hand.

“It's okay - we’ll just have to find somewhere else to go besides The Boiler Room.

 

___

 

The night was cold again as they walked towards Jemma’s dormitory and she shivered a bit. She threaded her arm through Fitz’s, and leaned in to his warmth as she clutched her other gloved hand around his bicep.

So far the night had been a lot of fun and a little bit of nerves. They had gone to one of their favorite restaurants - one they typically reserved for celebrating well earned assignment scores and the end of final exams - and then stopped at the bookstore on their slow walk back from the center of town.

There wasn’t a whole lot of options for evening entertainment, especially with The Boiler Room off limits, and the night was still young. On a typical Saturday night they would go back to someone’s room to play a game or watch a movie, but neither of them were quite sure how things were going to go now.

Jemma was optimistic that they’d figure it out and she knew she didn’t want the evening to end. Dinner had been enjoyable and she was relishing in the new ways that Fitz looked at her when she said something that made him smile, like asking the waiter for water without ice.

On his end Fitz was basking in the closeness of her. Their knees brushing under the table, or their palms cupped together as they walked. As he felt her press against him, Fitz thought about how she had looked when he had caught her staring a bit too long at him in the bookstore, and his cheeks started to pink. By and large it had been like any other Saturday evening together, but the new feelings were rather exhilarating. He wondered if dates were always this exciting and supposed it depended on who you were with.

They stopped at the door of the building, and Jemma didn't miss a beat.

“Come up for tea?”

Fitz smiled again thinking about the electric kettle and special selection of teas Jemma kept in her room.

 _“Honestly Fitz, I don’t know how you get by on that rubbish in the cafeteria,”_ she’d told him.

He nodded and they both smiled as he followed her upstairs to the familiarity of her room. He watched her as she took the steps, one ahead of him, and when he realized he was completely staring at her bum his eyes widened and he picked up pace.

Once inside, he busied himself with taking off his scarf & jacket as Jemma set about making two cups of Rooibos, and thumbed at her book collection that he knew well while it steeped.

“Did you want to turn on a movie, or...?”

She didn’t look up but her voice was calm and bright, if not a little nervous.

“Yeah - sure...of course.”

Fitz opened up her laptop on the desk, smiling again as he typed out the password at the thought that she had given it so willingly so many months ago.

“The Princess Bride...again?”

“Hush.”

Jemma nudged his arm with hers and carried their mugs of tea - sugar for him, milk for her - over to the couch. She handed him the tea as he sat down, and she kicked off her shoes as the movie began.

They sat in semi-comfortable quiet - focused on their beverages and the screen in front of them, and as the minutes wore on and they both finished their cups, Jemma put them back up on the desk. When she came back to the couch she paused for a moment before she sat down. He looked at her as she situated herself, and, as she pulled her knees up, she leaned towards him, into his side, and said,

“Is this okay?”

He nodded and she smiled, leaning her head on to his shoulder. They sat there for a minute, Fitz still as he figured out how to respond with his own limbs, then he shuffled around a bit as he heeled off his own shoes. He tried to relax, his palms set stiffly on the tops of his thighs, and he watched as Jemma’s hand slid over his, both of them looking down as he turned it over in the wake of her touch, encouraging her fingers as they linked with his. She leaned in to him further, with another smile and he did the same, resting his head on top of hers.

They sat that way for a bit, both of their hearts beating firm, and Fitz had to breath deep a couple times, as he kept holding his breath subconsciously.

The third time he did it Jemma looked up.

“Is everything alright? I’m..I’m not crowding you am I?”

“No - I mean yes - no. No, you’re not crowding me, and yes, everything’s fine - great, really.”

She nodded and stretched a bit.

“Are you cold?”

The truth was he was very warm - the way they were situated had his blood pumping.

“I’m fine - are you cold?”

“Yes - a little."

She reached over to a plaid blanket that was hung over the back of the couch and brought it over their laps - most of the cover on her. Their hands had parted as they adjusted position, and Fitz was a little bit disappointed, but he relaxed a smidge now. He had been wondering how long they would hold hands, or if there was something he was supposed to be doing.

So far it had been a nice evening but it didn't feel too different from their normal Saturdays, and he didn’t know if he was doing it all correctly.

He supposed that his nerves made it feel a bit like what he expected a first date to be, but he realized that the thing that was making him most anxious was Jemma’s serene demeanor. He still wasn’t sure what had prompted her to consider that she wanted to go on a date with him - or if it was something she had been thinking about for a while.

“Jemma...did you - do you, are you having a nice time?”

She was sided up to him again, but a bit easier to talk to with her body facing outside instead of curled into him. The movie played in the background still, and she watched it for a moment still before responding.

“Of course - are...are you? Are you comfortable?”

He almost laughed.

“Simmons, yes - I’m comfortable - I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable, okay?”

“Okay.”

She looked a bit sheepish and he opened his mouth to say something else, but they went back to watching the film. After a couple minutes Fitz’s foot started to tap, and Jemma clocked it immediately.

She didn't say anything at first - he had a known habit of being a bit antsy - but eventually it started to make her uneasy.

“Fitz. I know you just said you’d say something if you were uncomfortable, but, I - you’re shaking your leg - what’s wrong?”

She turned toward him, pulling her knees up towards his lap and he placed his palm firm on his thigh to stop the shaking.

“Sorry - you know me.”

Fitz often needed to be multitasking in order to keep his brain occupied, and she considered for a moment finding him something to keep his hands busy.

“I just, um, I guess I’m...Jemma, I’m a bit edgy is all. I don’t - I don’t know if I’m doing this right.”

He didn’t look straight at her as he spoke so he didn’t see the look of affection on her face.

“Fitz...it’s okay to be nervous, it means that -”

“ - it's important.”

He finished her sentence as he looked up to meet her eyes and they both smiled.

This was a common refrain from him to her when she was particularly keyed up about an assignment or an exam - something his mom had said to him when he was a child, worried about a class party or a first day of school.

“It is, you know - important.”

She smiled again at his words and realized just how much she’d been smiling since he asked her out the previous night.

“To me too.”

His stomach jumped at her gaze and for the first time that evening he realized that he’d very much like to kiss her.

“Jemma...you - last night you,” he took in a breath, trying to compose his thoughts, “you asked me -”

“Why not me.”

She heard her own words ring in her head and she fought through her own second-hand embarrassment for her past self.

“Yeah - well, I’ve thought about it and I...well - last night I had a lot of time to think about it - and at first I thought it just hadn’t really occurred to me, but that’s not true.”

“Oh?”

She watched his words with rapt attention, quite unsure where he was going.

He inhaled again and looked down at his now fidgeting hands while he continued his sentence.

“If I’d had any sense I would have asked you out when we first met...but I’d never taken a girl on a date before and wouldn’t even have known what to say. I thought about it more than once and when we started to become good friends I suppose I just pushed it out of my mind because I didn't - I didn’t think of it as an option.”

“Fitz.”

The tone of her response turned his head and he found her eyes warm & luminous as he continued.

“So I didn’t think about it much again, and...well, no, sorry - that’s not true either. I thought about it - I thought about you - on summer holiday. I didn’t think about asking you to go out with me, but I - I thought about seeing you again, and how much I missed you, and -”

“I missed you too Fitz, so much, and I didn’t even know - I didn't think about us going out either, or maybe I did, I don’t know, I just - I thought about you every day. I only texted you about half as much as I wanted to, and when I saw you again you looked different but you smiled and when I hugged you, it was - maybe it was awkward for a moment but, I... I don’t, I don’t know what I’m trying to say Fitz other than - I thought about you too.”

Her words spilled into the conversation - a tumbling confession, and he knew what he really wanted to say.

“Jemma - it _is_ you. It’s always been you. Since the day we met I’ve wanted to ask you out and I just didn’t have the nerves or the...the - the thought that you might say yes.”

She barely heard the end of his sentence as his words propelled her forward, her lips dashing against his quickly. She pulled away before he really knew what was happening and her eyes popped open as she took in what she had done.

Fitz’s eyes were wide too as his lips tingled with the brief recollection of what had just happened. He gulped down a catch in his throat and stared at her, wondering what she might do next.

“Oh god, Fitz, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even - was that - was that your first kiss? I didn’t mean to just, I should have - I should have asked, I just - was that...did you - was that okay?”

He licked his lips and fixed his eyes on hers - they were a soft shade of pink that he’d never fully appreciated before. He gazed for a moment, thinking very much about how he’d like them to be touching his again and she waited for a response.

“Fitz - are you okay?”

“Fantastic. Can we do that again?”

Her grin spread across her face in slow motion and she scooted even further in towards him, her knees in his lap, and put one hand on his shoulder.

“Fitz,” she asked softly, “has anyone ever kissed you before?”

He thought for a split second about the girl he had kissed in secondary school before he went to university. Being the youngest by a mile in so many of his years of education hadn’t left much opportunity to be kissed.

“Not like this,” he answered truthfully.

She smiled slightly as she closed her eyes and leaned in slowly to kiss him. It was soft and firm and she was an indescribably perfect mix of scents.

Jemma held her mouth against his for a wonderful length of time, and as Fitz thought she was about to pull away, she simple parted from his mouth for a moment in order to take a gentle breath and move her mouth against his again.

Instinctively, he started to move one hand around her back, and, as he did so, she leaned her chest against his, and he held her close. Once he confirmed that she wasn't going anywhere, he started focusing on what he was doing with his own mouth.

He had a lot to contend with as he figured out a good rhythm for taking in oxygen while he opened and closed his lips. He seemed to have an easier time with his hands and it came naturally to run a thumb across her back as he embraced her.

Jemma’s kisses came faster as she started moving her lips a bit more forcefully and he could hear her breathing increase as he figured out how to keep pace with her mouth.

Again, he wasn’t quite sure if what he was doing was right, but it felt nice, and he was considering the position of their noses and chins when he felt the tip of her tongue between his lips.

Finally he stopped thinking and just went with it, as his tongue met hers and they both let out a slightly surprised but pleased noise. Before he knew what else was happening she had one hand around his neck and the other on his chest, pressing herself tight against him as she pulled his face towards hers.

Fitz couldn't have complained if he wanted to as he focused on their mouths. Testing different circular patterns with his tongue. What he was trying to test he wasn’t sure. It all felt good - and it seemed she agreed. Where he might have thought he’d be worried about kissing any girl - especially Jemma - it was nice to see that it was so obvious that she was enjoying herself.

Moments turned in to minutes as they continued snogging and Jemma couldn’t have stopped herself if she wanted to. She was enamored with exploring all the edges of his mouth with her tongue, and she delighted in finding new enjoyable noises to illicit. 

She was quite pleased with their position too, giving her plenty of space to rest against his chest and be enveloped in his arms. It was safe and comfortable and enjoyable and exciting and she imagined she could get very used to this. Her mind started to wander as she thought about how the agenda of their evenings might change going forward and she reluctantly realized they might need to have a conversation.

She started decelerating her kisses and Fitz followed suit, drawing his motions out, pulling her bottom lip between his as he slowed, moving his lips gently away from hers and to the side of her face, her chin and her cheek.

She kissed his cheek as well with a smile and they pulled away naturally as they met each other's gaze, both of them punch drunk.

“Wow.”

“Indeed.”

“Jemma,” Fitz lowered his voice, “has anyone ever kissed you before?”

“Not like this.”

His smile struck from ear to ear and he pulled her tight, beginning his ministrations again.

Jemma giggled and kissed him back, forgetting for a moment the point of her slow down. She pulled back gently.

“Fitz,” she breathed, staying close, “would you like to go out again?”

At this point it almost felt like an odd question.

“Y-yes, yes, of course...”

She was a bit less than delighted by the hesitation in his answer.

“...it's just that...” he continued, “Jemma, can you, do you...I don't really know how to - are all dates like this?”

“Oh! Um, I mean, I don’t - I certainly don’t have a significant amount of experience but, I suppose, yes, a lot are.”

“So then...how...I mean, how do we - how do we decide when it's a date and when it's not?”

“Oh.”

This had been precisely the conversation she wanted to have, but she wasn’t sure where to go from here.

“Well, I guess - we’re not, maybe we’re not dating in the most traditional sense. I suppose that’s usually - well dating, that is, it's sort, of, well it's courting isn’t it? Usually it's people who don’t know each other very well, right?”

“I guess.”

“But for us, it's - it's not like that and, well - we already know each other so well, and we spend all our time together, and...”

He looked back at her with a similar amount of confusion.

“Oh this is silly. We’ve spent our entire adolescence surrounded by adults - we know what two people dating looks like. I supposed we just need to decide what we want it to mean for us.”

“Okay.”

They were silent again and finally Fitz spoke first.

“I certainly like kissing.”

She grinned.

“Me too.”

“And I like everything else about our...friendship... I like spending time together. I like working together. I like having lunch together and going to class together.”

“Me too. I love spending time with you...and I like kissing you.”

“Okay, so, for us, dating, is, our normal stuff plus...plus kissing?”

“Well maybe more than kissing?”

His eyebrows shot to his hairline and she blanched.

“No! Not that. Or not, at least, not, not yet, not - I don’t, I’m not-”

“No, no, not - not me, either, I don’t have any - I mean, I am not...I didn't think-”

“I meant other romantic things...maybe - maybe sometimes we can go do special things or go somewhere nice...and, and, when we are together the rest of the time, if we, if we want to kiss, or hold hands, or...cuddle, or....” she started to drift off as she caught a particularly amorous look from Fitz.

“What?”

“Jemma, would you be my girlfriend?”

He had no idea what had come over him but hearing Jemma talk about dating and kissing and holding hands had him on cloud nine.

It was everything he wanted.

“Your girlfriend? Fitz I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”

“Yeah...I, I know...I’ve never done any of this before.”

Her heart was racing. Less than 24 hours ago she'd barely had a chance to consider something like this. Fitz. Her boyfriend.

Of course.

He was smart and handsome and loyal and awkward and sweet and kind and generous and funny - and a very good kisser.

“You want to be my boyfriend?”

The responsibility of the question hit him and he sat back, his arm still around her and looked around her room incredulously.

Could he be someone's boyfriend? Could he be her boyfriend? He thought about what it seemed boyfriends were supposed to do.

He wanted to spend all of his time with her, go to dinner together, graduate the academy, go to Sci-Ops together, build new biotech, study objects of unknown origin together. He wanted to hold her hand and kiss her and hold her like he was doing now. He wanted to care for her, and read her papers and tell her about his classes and otherwise be the person she talked to about everything.

“Jemma, if you'll have me, I'd certainly like to try.”

She smiled again and leaned over to kiss him.

“I suppose we’ll figure it out together.”

“Together.”


End file.
